Just recently I spent some months living off grid on an isolated mountain. This was a direct opportunity to develop a much deeper personal understanding of sensory experiences.  The theory was, that undistracted by computers, wifi, telephones. television and even social interactions, I could fully immerse myself in mother nature and all that she teaches us. 

The first weeks were cold, wet and dark by 6.p.m. At night it was so cold I couldn't sleep because my nose was frozen. Even shuffling my ever willing Bedlington Terrier, Mogs, into my sleeping bag didn't work. Once the last embers of the fire had died out I was awake and shivering again.  

In the space of a few weeks the mud and fast flowing river changed almost overnight to blazing sunshine and high humidity. As temperatures soared to over 40 degrees the mozzies and biting flies made their presence known - especially if you sought shade under the trees. Interestingly Mogs spent her time eating the tips off the plantain plant which I later discovered was a natural antihistamine antidote to bites. It could not possibly be learned behaviour as she had been with me since a tiny pup so it had to be either an innate inherited knowledge or an ability to smell some component of antihistamine - either way flipping marvellous.

I did not realise until this point that I was a total IT junkie. I was finding excuses within myself to come down the mountain and drive an hour to the nearest village where of course I needed vital life saving resources such as a frothy coffee and internet access. Once I had my fix and returned I still suffered a mild level of on-going anxiety that I was missing out on something very important and dreadful things might happen if I was not online.

A unexpected effect of this self imposed isolation was that the less I interacted with others, the less I wanted to. My grandmother was a recluse spending more time gardening than with any human companion, my son has similar hermit tendencies. It made me question in anthropological terms the potential benefits of imposed isolation to long term survival - not being open to infectious diseases or having to feed and protect others thereby wasting scarce resources are examples. 

In psychological terms I am fully aware that being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) often leads to isolation as those who are HSP can become overloaded to the point of distress by interacting with others. Unless you learn how to protect yourself from negative energy, those who are HSP can become distinctly unwell suffering from conditions such as depression, ME, and a range of unexplained ill health. 

The academic work in HSP is jumping forward in leaps and bounds and the best part is it is a much nicer label than anxiety disorder, depressive or yuppy flu amongst other such terms.  It also means that we are now beginning to understand this way of being so that appropriate support and advice can be provided.  Being a HSP has helped me in my career but it has also been a major hindrance when I have been forced to work with people who drained my very essence.  Being isolated helped me understand my need to avoid so many social situations and only being able to spend minimal time in certain people's space.

Spending an extended amount of time amongst nature in all its glory has helped  deepen my understanding of the senses and how to help others through sensory based experiences.  However the major insights occurred when I came back to concrete civilisation. I will write about that in my next blog.

Wolf Medicine Programme

If you have been following our work, you will know that Nature Therapy CIC were fortunate enough to receive a Big Lottery grant to be the very first not for profit organisation in the UK to run a Wolf Medicine programme for individuals in recovery.

Prior to gaining this grant we undertook substantial research into the possibility of involving wolves and what function they would serve. This included exploring the meaning given to wolves down through history as well as contemporary cultural perceptions of an animal long since extinct from our wild nature bank.
We also drew heavily on our own knowledge and expertise in delivering horse medicine and looked at how the wolf and horse might differ in engaging participants. A key factor in working with those in recovery is offering something that excites and engages as individuals may have been through all types of programmes in their recovery journey. The horse might engage one client whilst a wolf another simply because they offer insights into different aspects of our own characteristics and interests.

A framework of research evidence was established around the programme design that included Metaphor Therapy, Wilderness Theory, Ancient Knowledge, Creative Arts, Animal Assisted and Eco Therapies as well as Mindfulness.
Once we had in place the basic framework, the programme was piloted with 23 individuals to see what needed to be adapted to meet the identified needs of our proposed client group.  We were helped in this by the willingness of the local substance misuse service to ask their clients if they wanted to be involved in co-creating a brand new and very unique way of supporting others in recovery. A marked component of many people going through recovery is their willingness to help others.

One of my main concerns in creating this programme was we talk about ‘the wolf within’ and how to connect with this inner wolf to gain resilience to what life will throw at us. I was concerned that an individual who had experience of psychosis might literally believe there was a wolf within which could seriously impact on their well-being. Four people on the pilot did indeed have either a diagnosis of schizophrenia or had psychotic episodes but ultimately they reported the programme to be an enjoyable success as far as they were concerned. They also added that I shouldn’t unduly worry about ‘over egging the metaphor stuff’ as they perfectly understood it was not a real wolf. 

The whole concept of not being a ‘real’ wolf is an interesting one as neuroplasticity is demonstrating that to our physical bodies it does not matter what is real and what is imagined as the physiological responses are the same. Thus, even if we only imagine we have the strength of a wolf, we are just as likely to experience the impact of that strength as if we really did have that strength. The power of the mind it seems is unlimited.

Contact with real wolves however is limited to just one session out of the six week course but it was entirely obvious right from the start this is the essential element of the overall programme. No amount of therapeutic research, models or theories can compensate for the experience of actually interacting with a beautiful wild animal.  When a wild animal validates you it is an extremely powerful message that says you are a worthy part of this universe.

Howling with wolves it seems speaks to us on a very basic level.  It is a call to connect, to feel you are part of the pack and you are not being judged by past behaviours or mistakes.  Wolves don’t label us with the judgemental names constructed by the socially inept to make themselves seem superior. Language such as ‘druggie’, ‘junkie’, ‘alchie’ or ‘addict’ has no place in Wolf World.  Wolves have no such perceptions. If you are part of the pack you are cared for by the others and in turn you care for them.  If you can’t hunt, food will be bought to you. When you get old or sick you still have a place watching out for the pups. No wolf gets left behind.

Wolf loyalty is fierce.  They mate for life and the female will watch out for the throat of the male by positioning herself under him when there are any threats.
This fierce protective and loyal nature of the wolf is what gives it strength to survive in some of the most inhospitable places on earth and always under threat from human’s hunters.

It seems participants strongly identify with the wolf. They too can feel ostracised and painted by society in poor light.  They too live in a shadowland trying to bury part of their lives. They too have been stereotyped like the big bad wolf in Red Riding Hood with all the ills of our culture being laid at their door.

As participants learn more about wolves and how they walk their own path, so they become inspired to follow in their paw prints. The ancients knew only too well that the wolf gives us survival strategies to draw on in a crisis. 

For example a wolf chooses its fights carefully.  It cannot risk being injured and unable to fulfil its function or it could put itself and the pack at risk. Just recently I felt cornered by a situation which I knew there was no chance of winning as I was up against a powerful but deeply flawed system.  I turned to my inner wolf for help with what to do - just roll over and accept the situation by showing my belly and expose my vulnerable throat for a savaging, show no fear and turn to fight, or simply pass stealthily through the mess with my nose to the wind and an eye on the future.

By turning to face the enemy and holding my ground I knew I would go down in a blaze and give myself a modicum of respect. If nothing else I might even exude a hint of madness and savagery that might make others think twice. Yet by turning to wolf for help I knew her strategy would be to only turn and fight when the odds were so stacked against her that there was no other option. Why waste all that effort and energy fighting a battle I could not possibly win simply to save face. What does a wolf care about face.  As much as I wanted to bare my teeth and rip apart all around I chose to pass quietly into the shadows with my wolf by my side. I needed her symbolism to protect me from my own ego.

The ancients used animal symbolism to help them draw on the strengths and skills of a species and for the wolf it has always been about survival.  Wolf teaches strength, connection and protection and these are all also factors that help individuals build resilience as they try to survive in this brave new world.  So, we are specifically measuring if there is any change in resilience from taking part in the programme.

Wolf Medicine is already surfacing some important issues about resilience and recovery.  One of the key points for us has been the majority of participants to date state they are more likely to trust a wolf than a human. So we needed to know how wolf can help re-build a destroyed belief in humankind.  We are doing this by structuring the programme around enhancing each of our five senses so an individual becomes more in tune about what they senses are telling them in any given situation. Bearing in mind that often people with a history of addiction can be so divorced from sensory experiences at times they have no recognition of hunger and thirst.

Wolf Medicine is uncovering heart breaking stories that are as painful to hear as to tell, but it is also showing the strength of the human spirit and what can be achieved when we once again connect with our inner selves through interacting with nature with all our senses.
 
 

 
Much of the work we do in nature therapy is geared towards understanding our inner nature through the natural world. Even Einstein advocated turning to the natural world to understand more about human existence,  but just recently I had a sharp reminder that despite our academic approach to analysing our psyches - we know so little about Being Human.

A friend posted on my facebook page what he thought was a cute little video of a rat with his head trapped through the port hole in the wall that a telephone cable came through. It showed this ratty head squeaking in rage whilst the ratty body was obviously completely and utterly trapped.  The supposed sweetness of the images was in the kindly gentleman doing his best to free the furious fat rodent.
 
However the cute factor was completely lost on me as I recoiled in absolute horror. I immediately had a feeling that cooties were crawling over and under my skin. A frantic scratching session followed whilst my eyes bulged out of their sockets. I had no idea what had just happened to me. What on earth had triggered that response, a response I might add that I had never previously experienced.  


I have dealt with some dastardly things in my time as a nurse such as maggot infested bodies, worm infestations, pustules, amputations and gangrene, as well as extracting various items from bodily orifices. So, I could not fathom what on earth caused the violent reaction to some poor trapped rat.

Well, it seems in my autumn years I have developed something called trypophobia.  Apparently around 20% of the population have this ‘condition’ whereby an extreme disgust response is triggered by something as seemingly innocuous as holes.  I am itching manically now just typing up this blog despite trying hard over the past days to desensitize myself to certain images. 

My particular form of trypophobia is to do with living things emerging from small holes. Not bad for a former midwife. But for some individuals the skin creeping disgust reaction can be so severe they cannot even look at a series of small irregular holes like a lotus flower head.

To my mind there has to be a sound scientific rationale for trypophobia and the answer is probably grounded in the fact that it is not a true phobia but a disgust response.  I don’t seem to fear it rather react to it in an extreme way.

Arnold Wilkins of the University of Essex explains the over the top response I experienced is most likely linked with a potentially dangerous or poisonous creature. Take a look at the picture of the deadly blue ringed octopus in this blog which is one such image he used in his study. I had a slight aversion to the octopus markings, but not as extreme as I would if another creature was emerging from any of those holes.   

Despite all the angst and scratching, this insight really highlighted for me what Jung described as inherited memories. Nature has provided us with some of the tools we need to keep ourselves safe right from the moment of birth. I had not learned through any sort of experience or reading that a blue ring octopus is potentially deadly but I now know I have a deep seated need to avoid them.

Listening to what our senses are trying to tell us is may not be so important to our physical survival in this modern western world, but it is vital to our mental well-being.  We are in danger of dumbing down our sensory perception to the point we no longer understand our own reactions.  I was somewhat horrified to read that individuals have been so freaked out by their skin creeps they sought psychiatric support whereas in reality they are sensitive enough to be simply tuning in to an amazing gift of nature.  I would want any one of them on my expedition to explore new lands

Seems we are working towards a new way of Being Human. One where we are so out of step with the natural world that our protective reactions are pathologised and treated as abnormal.  Use them or lose them forever as my old mum would say and to be fair she is one old wife that knows a thing or two. Who knows where we may need those deep sensory responses again if we are to survive as a species when civilisation once again takes a detour.

  When I sit in the coffee shop people watching other older women, I am often drawn to two main types. First there is the older woman keen to retain an image of youth to whom ageing successfully is to be seen to be as young as possible for as long as possible by whatever means.  This is the woman who is trying to tread a familiar feminine path but her feet are aching in those wretched high heels and she is longing to get home and give a sigh of relief as she chucks her bra across the bedroom.

Then there is the woman who seems a little beaten by life and has little interest in maintaining any vestiges of a false youth.  This is the woman that appears to have stumbled along in the later journey and ultimately gave up trying to find a way through it all despite her sensible shoes. She is bound up in brambles and has mud and leaves in her hair. When she gets home she will eat a packet of biscuits slumped in front of the television.

The one thing these women have in common is they can both appear a bit lost. Like a rabbit dazzled in the headlights of an oncoming car they have no idea which way to turn.  They have no role models on how to age in a culture where ageing and all its accompaniments is despised.  Contemporary ageing has become associated with wrinkles, dementia, loss of hope, uselessness, illness, false teeth, incontinence and death – this is backed up by images, information and stereotypes portrayed in the mainstream.  So who can blame anyone for wanting to hold back the years or becoming disconnected when the onslaught of the female ageing process becomes too much to handle.

It wasn’t always like this for older women in the Western world. Once they were very much revered for their wisdom, their knowledge and their healing.  They were mediators in disputes, bought new life into the world and cared for the dying.  The image of the Crone then was a positive one, where an older woman knew her place in the world and the part she still had left  to play. Reaching the status of Crone was a joyful recognition of her position as an Elder within a community and all the respect that came with that status.  She didn’t shrink from the role of a Crone but embraced it.

The embodiment of Cronedom began to fade as they burned and hung these wise old women as witches. Their status gradually changed along with the overall image of women as Christianity made its impact. No longer were younger women Goddesses but whores, no longer were older women wise but evil and all  that evilness had to be destroyed. Part of this false youth movement today is very much a fear of Cronedom and what that word now entails.

Today many women might be horrified to be described as a Crone as it has such different connotations from its origins. Yet, accepting and crossing the threshold into Cronehood could be a major event.  It could be celebration of all your achievements and all that you learned and experienced along the way. It can be a time to make new commitments and vows, a time where an ageing body is just as beautiful as a younger one simply because of the beauty contained within.

The word Crone was once a word of power. So, we need to once again embrace that power by dismissing more modern notions of the word and celebrating the knowledge, skills and beauty this time of life can gift us.

By this point you are probable querying what Cronedom has to do with Nature Therapy. Well, we work with women of different ages. These are women that could potentially help tread down a new path through the cycle of life into Cronedom and beyond. Women where nature is the tool for feeling emotionally and physically connected to the much bigger picture, where nature helps with soothing balms and salves, and where nature offers insights into our own unique way of being.

I am proud to take ownership of the term Crone.   I have certainly earned that name after many years of living a wonderful life seeing souls into this world, and out, and caring for them in between.  Hopefully those who make the decision to own their power,  can really celebrate Cronedom. In this way the coming generations of ageing women have a clear path to tread – a path that will lead them through the woods and out into the fields beyond.
 
 
We are currently working on a nature based project for women to own their Cronedom and celebrate their  Elder power

Just recently we have seen a lot of famous people pass. I have also lost a few friends over the past months. It started me thinking more about the whole cycle of death as a fundamental part of nature and how we approach it in the Western world. It made me realise  I cannot continue my work on evolving nature therapy and nourishing minds without exploring death and dying as part of a natural cycle.

It would be impossible to write about this topic without reflecting on belief systems encountered around the world, but I am also mindful that many individuals today may be growing up without any concept of a good role model to give them some insight into how to embrace death.  The majority of individuals in this day and age are taken away to a strange place with white sheets, alarm bells and strangers where they see out their final hours in this beautiful world. So the focus of this blog is not on beliefs about what happens after death, it is more about the processes we now accept as part and parcel of clocking out of this life.

I have been involved in healthcare for over 40 years and have been privileged to be part of many births as a midwife, but also part of some ‘good’ deaths and some not so good deaths.  My perception of a good death is one where an individual slowly and gracefully leaves this world without fear, whilst a not so good death is one where a loved one leaves us suddenly and tragically. This is where they go out of the door in the morning with a cheery wave and never return. This type of death I imagine may be better for the person concerned who passes out of life quickly, but it is not so good for the family. The ripple effect of the shock that occurs can be overwhelming and leave a lasting legacy, but this blog is not about sudden death either. This blog is about Dying Wild, it is about dying in a way that allows us to feel the full force of the natural world to help ease the path each one of us will one day tread. It is about dying itself as part a natural cycle as opposed to death.

In my work with those who are ageing, I am continually stressing the importance of sensory experiences through the free and easy to access natural world. This is a world that everyone has been in contact with at some point in their lives and which stimulates all the senses even before our moment of birth. In our modern concept of dying we do not generally consider the importance of smell, or touch, or even taste when food starts to become less important, but there are many things we can do to help a loved one travel on this journey.

As the baby boomer generation, renowned for pushing back so many boundaries and for living wild, start on this final path it may be they are ones that will breech this final barrier. As a member of that generation I have lived wild and have thoroughly enjoyed it. I do not want to dip out of wildness as the end approaches. I like to think I will embrace a new wild adventure as much as I have my travels to remote and glorious places in my living years and even more remote places in my mind.

However I fear the fear that comes with that territory. To counteract this, I hold on to the fact that I have been fearful many times in my life and eventually faced those terrors.  I hold in my mind those people I have known who have gone before and who showed me if they can do it with dignity and calmness, then so can I.

I don’t want to be wrapped up and clinically disposed of into a meaningless system even before I die. I want to be free to feel my lungs fill with fresh air that spreads to my fingers and toes, to touch the grass and once again have time to watch ants and insects scurrying about their business, to smell the warmth and comfort of my dog and my horses, to let the sun sparkles kiss my old face and the rain soften my wrinkly liver spotted skin. I want to feel this world with all my senses as I pass out of it. I want to die as I have lived – Wild.

For this blog I would like to share a poem written by a wonderful lady who has PTSD. The symptoms from this condition can be distressing and at this time of year can be made worse by certain triggers.  Don't forget to be kind to others as we hit the Xmas period and everyone is rushing about shopping.  More importantly, take some time out to be gentle with yourself.

 At Nature Therapy CIC we are always interested in finding out the outcomes from what we deliver. Not only does it ensure we know if we are making a difference, it also helps us evolve and shape our programmes for the future so we can make a better impact.

Research doesn't always have to be boring surveys and questionnaires, although they do help contribute to the pot of knowledge. We like to use really creative ingredients in our evaluation soup that engages our clients as much as possible. We like to ensure their voices comes through loud and clear. Just like a tasty consume soup.

We also focus on engaging children we work with in any evaluation, whatever their capacity. This is so they are able to shape what we do and how we do it. We do this by using creative techniques such as the wonderful draw and write technique. This was developed by the awe inspiring Noreen Whetton at the University of Southampton in the 1980's. It has since been used in thousands of projects world wide to ensure the voices of children are able to make an impact.

Sadly more and more funders are wanting to see techniques such as randomised controlled trials to prove outcomes. There is a real lack of understanding that we might be able to prove if a pill is effective or not, but ultimately this method proves nothing but impossible to determine social outcomes from the human condition. Just far too many variables to account for.

One method we do like to use is Discourse Analysis.  Often psychosocial programmes such as the ones we deliver are intrinsically  linked to the power and control exerted by institutions on an individual.  These are things they (and we) are often not even aware of. So,  we like to use a research method called Discourse Analysis to really surface insights into the impact of our programmes and how they might effect outcomes for our clients. This helps us understand far more about how to develop our work than a survey alone. It makes sure that clients voices are not only heard - but acted on.  

Here is a link to a short video I prepared for any of our funders or clients explaining what discourse analysis is about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MT29ZkEcEXA

One of the key factors for delivery of the nature therapy and dementia programme is about increasing resilience amongst the carers older people.  But the question arises of how can we measure if taking part in our programme actually builds resilience to burn out. One of the challenges is that there are many different ways of understanding the concept of resilience but there is no consensus on what it actually is. In addition,  we have no idea if resilience is a dynamic process or a fixed character trait.  There is little point in measuring fixed character trait before and after a programme because it is - fixed.

Demakakos et al (2012) define resilience as the ability of people to resist adversity and flourish under it. They noted that resilient older people are more satisfied with their lives and had a better quality of life than non-resilient people.  We are keen to ascertain if nature therapy enhances resilience in carers so they can cope with future adversity or if, as some believe, measuring resilience actually requires the existence of adversity to see if people effectively overcome it.  This latter concept raises challenges as we would only know if there was any increase in resilience after they reached a crisis situation, which of course might be years away, or indeed never.

Then again, if resilience is resisting adversity, we have to be clear what we mean by adversity.  Financial crisis, bereavement, and ill health are all considered to be situations that could be classified as adverse, or it could be anything that might significantly impact on an individual.  Measuring changes in mood levels has been thought of as one way of measuring resilience.

The research evidence is not clear if socio demographic factors such as gender, age, marital status, education, and income impact on resilience and of course these are factors that projects such as ours have no control over. Feelings of loss of control have been implicated in individuals experiencing depressive symptoms.

One further issue we need to take into consideration when measuring resilience is that adversity can be compound. That is one event such as illness can trigger other adversities such as loss of income thereby compounding the effect of loss of choice and control.

So,  having set out some of the challenges in measuring resilience, we set out to look at what was the best possible tool we could use to measure any change in our nature therapy and dementia care work.  Consultation with older carers suggested the best possible tool for them as one that was easily completed, visual, did not involve a great deal of writing, did not make them feel depressed completing it, was quick, and was in a format they could easily understand without having to think too much. So we reviewed the available scales against this criteria.

Windle (2011) of Bangor University reviewed 19 resilience scales. She noted that some of the scales are relatively new and concluded none  identify any specific scale as more reliable. However five measures (the RSA, the CD-RISC, the Brief Resilience Scale, the ER-89 and the Dispositional Resilience Scale provided test-retest information, and the Resilience Scale for Adults (RSA) scored the maximum for this criteria. This provides some indication of the measure's stability, and an early indication of the potential for it to be able to detect important change, as opposed to measurement error.

The RSA scale was validated in Norwegian samples raising concerns about cultural significance. In addition, there is a significant cost associated with the licence for this scale. This equate to 150 US dollars for every 50 people. As the intention is to use this scale with every single person who downloads an online planner pre and post completion, the use of the scale was outside of our financial resources. 

Our review into measuring resilience is on going, meanwhile we are using a self assessed likert scale to determine any change for the person with dementia based on observable factors such as less agitation and aggression, better sleep and sign of enjoyment in life. We are asking carers to scale this factos both before and after the carers pop up dementia theatre experience to see if they change anything they do as a result of the Think Sense campaign that ultimately impacts on the person they are caring for. 

In addition we use the much simpler Compassion Fatigue Scale for carers as that can be applied both before their involvement in our nature therapy and dementia care work and again after. 

Early results are showing a significant improvement in Compassion Fatigue plus less agitation and aggression being expressed by older people with dementia.

I am in the process of developing an on line self help journal for those with experience of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Journaling has been therapeutic source since humans could put pen to paper. So, in order to create this resource I have tried out several different methods to see what works well in an on line format. I thought for this blog I would share one of my own personal experiences of using image work in a self help journal.

The first step being to sit quietly and peacefully and let your mind float. Ask for an image to come into your mind that is important for you to try and understand at that point in time.  

There is no right or wrong image.  It could be a cartoon character, an inanimate object, a person, situation or a fantasy. However, the image that came to my mind on this occasion was a moment in time, many years ago, when I was working with children and young people.  I had been working with a young man who was expressing suicidal ideation and was so concerned I arranged for him to see a psychiatrist. I agreed to accompany him to the appointment because he was afraid.

Over weeks of working alongside this young man, let’s call him Billy, I had begun to understand he experienced an overarching sense of rejection.  First by his parents, and then later by his peers because of his sexuality.

My image was of Billy sitting in the psychiatrist's room feeling scared and so alone, rejected and desolate trying to answer questions  about his life and finally breaking down into heaving sobs as a way of expressing his heartache.

Now I have to reveal a bit about myself to help you understand more about this personal image I am trying to share and I hope none of you are psychiatric nurses or psychiatrists!  I have two characters inside me.  One is Ms Correct who first appeared in my adolescence. She is the one that installed in me a sense of right and wrong, importance of academic study, working hard, professionalism and always doing what is ‘right’. The second character was with me throughout my childhood but later in life was continually admonished by Ms Correct to the point she would disappear for long periods.  This character is Gypsy Lee Free.  She is the part of me that treads her own path despite the rules of convention, that runs barefoot through the grass to feel the dew on her toes and kisses frogs.  Gypsy is my inner child that is constantly begging to be let out to play but she doesn’t always behave herself according to the rules set down by Ms Correct.

Now back to Billy.  My Gypsy Lee Free heart hurt for him whilst my Ms Correct head was saying ‘better out than in’. At which point Billy flung his arms around me, buried his head into my shoulder and covered me with tears, dribble  and snot.

Ms Correct was horrified as the whole thing about boundaries and touch, transference and therapeutic relationship was flashed up on her always present blackboard and pointed at fiercely with her pointy stick.  This pointy stick moment happened at about the same time I became aware of the psychiatrist shouting at Billy to take his hands off me and telling him I was not his friend or mother.  Almost simultaneously Gypsy Lee Free made a random guest appearance and simply hugged him back whilst passing him a tissue. She was arguing that he already felt rejected and Ms Correct would only reinforce that belief.  

I knew I was in trouble, and I was. There was very little point explaining to a psychiatrist of all people about the wild wonderful carefree spontaneous woman that lived inside me and inspired me to random crazy acts. Acts like hugging a child when they hurt.

This was the image I drew into my journal using little stick figures to depict Billy, the Psychiatrist, Gypsy Lee Free and Ms Correct. I then reflected on compassion and how hard it is for us as nurses , therapists and professional carers to know where boundaries start and end and what compassion actually looks and feels like.

Was it that Gypsy Lee Free herself could not deal with his overt expression of pain so was being self-compassionate?  What might have outwardly appeared as an act of compassion in comforting a distressed child could have been in reality self-soothing. 

I realised the importance of this image to me at that point in time was about letting things go. Everything has a time and place in this universe - there is a time for Ms Correct and a time to let your inner wild child roam free to relish new experiences.

This is the point of a self help journal; it becomes what you want it to be.  To safely record your innermost thoughts, disentangle feelings, or as a cathartic way of letting go of experiences. It can help you reflect, analyse and self supervise.  It can also help you let out your inner child in a safe and boundaried way. 

Have a go – you never know how it might help unless you try. I hope by revealing some of my inner world it will help you take the plunge.